Shuo shuo er yi~~ Haha...

Life's really empty when you steer out of your original plans and intentions. My only wish in my life was to build a happy family, didn't really find it necessary to achieve big things or become a "ren shang ren" (one above many)... I mean, what's the point of devoting all ur time to work and achieving big things but not enjoying life? I've always believed in finding happiness in contentment... not in big houses or cars or something... I've had many things... i used to be good in soccer and sports, i had distinctions for my studies, i'd say i was considered quite popular and influential in my cca club while i was there... (Lolzz.. Lao wang mai gua~ :p edward and kuang also la). But it all didn't really matter much to me at that time... Maybe it was because i had loads of everything... Nothing seemed to matter... and I was really happy. I didn't want to be best in everything though i might have been if i tried hard enough... Wasn't necessary to me. Only... Looked forward to meeting someone i'd love, and build a happy family... Teach my kids chess guitar soccer etc etc...

Ya... that's why i signed on. Just to get an average paying job and live the life i wanted, being myself, sufficiently contented in all the average and simple things in life... No $, how to start family? My friends used to tell me i'm wasting my talents... i should study in uni... and all that. Perhaps they were right... Maybe it's a retribution for not fully utilising all the gifts given to me from god... Ya... Found her... But let slip of her because i dwelled too much in the past glorious and happy days... Feels like i've got nothing now. When the one and only thing that matters is gone, it feels like there's nothing to look forward to anymore, y'know. I've been trying to play alot, ya... had some fun but at the end of the day, it still feels empty... Am i becoming a bucket or what? Lolzz :p

Big decisions to make within the next two weeks... Should i disrupt from my work to study full time for a degree or study part time over 5 years... Or try converting to an officer soon... Either way, gotta talk to my officer-in-charge before i know the options available to me... Can afford the years now that my original dream cannot be materialized. Moving on to new challenges and... yes... new goals... maybe new beliefs in life. No more jogging on the spot... And maybe... no more just being contented with the simple things in life.

Freedom is good, but freedom without direction in life... ... ...