Sad.. but.. Peace

01 Feb 2009, Sunday

Whoaa~ Peace.

Wasn't expecting one of my previous posts to somehow possibly escalate into a war of words. Only just noticed and read a blog entry dated last friday which seriously, deeply, deeply saddens me...... I guess it's natural for ppl to defend themselves... but the things and accusations written seriously breaks my heart. Anyway, while i'm going to explain myself here again, the words are not meant to hurt. I feel inclined to explain myself after all the things we've wrote in our previous posts.

Dear friend assumed i was furious with her for spoiling MY mahjong game - that's a wrong assumption. (My? Goodness me...) My anger on that day stemmed from the fact that people were taken for granted. Here's how...

1. The choices given to the other party... "Quit the mahjong game now and meet me or breakup and i'll go up and make a din". Going to someone else's home make a din? And somehow that was at a point where everybody thought the issue had come to a temporary standstill, because dear friend had told us blah blah blah never mind this and never mind that... And yet... things had to turn out the way it had. If your guy had half the temper or dignity as mine or many others, what would've been the consequences for the owner? I think it's pretty apparent that if it had happened, the owner would never ever be able to jio any of her friends to her home anymore... and from what we were told, that wouldn't be limited to the few of us, but the rest of her many friends whom we don't even know.

2. Dear friend thinks things like "at most the mahjong session gets cancelled and postponed to another day". HOWEVER, by thinking in that way, were we not, as friends, being taken for granted...? (By the way FYI we DID continue with the mahjong game by getting another ka, it's not about the game... It's about you.) *sigh* Again, this is not meant to attack dear friend...

3. Based on dear friend's assumption that i was angry due to the "cancellation" of the mahjong game, she further implied that i valued mahjong above friendships. If that were so, (1) on Chu3, there was another last min cancellation because (edited) a friend couldn't come owing to circumstances, what did i reply? "Haha ok ok nvm ;)" i wasn't upset at all, because they didn't wait till we had gathered to do so. (2) if i am really like that, i wouldn't even have left Qimei's home on our gathering day for my colleague friends dinner. If i was like that, why the hell should i even forsake the mahjong games to travel from Tampines to Admiralty for a simple dinner.

Dear friend... As a teenager in my younger days, i'd read the Bible about 3 times over, and attend some services myself, even though as a personal choice i chose not to convert. If you would bother to read that previous post again, i said nothing to imply what Christians would or would not do, that is not what the faith is about. I merely tried to explain things to you with what little knowledge i have because i felt you needed reminding, and i definitely did not say that you're not a good enough Christian or whatsoever... Attack me if you will when i do or say something wrong, i am man enough to hold my hands up and admit my faults honorably, i will even apologise and change my behaviour if that was so, but these are unfounded accusations, whether written in spite i do not nor want to know... because if it was for the purpose of turning others against me, i would feel even more hurt with the way things are between us. I sincerely hope that is not the case...

Remember i wrote the following statement in my last post? I guess i'll have to put certain words in bold to clarify and emphasize what i was saying...
"I'm writing this to both of you because as a friend, i care for you, and it bugs me to see you on the verge of displaying inappropriate behaviour without any regard for the consequences and consideration for other people."

Dear friend... You were displaying inappropriate behaviour. If i do not care for you, i would not even bother attempting to tell you what is right or wrong. If i do not care for you, it's just a simple matter of shutting up and letting you continue with that kind of behaviour, and for that i wouldn't even cross you or need to explain myself here. To simplify my example, i shall explain in layman terms in exaggeration. Let's say one day a friend of mine tells me he wishes to rob a bank. As a friend, i could (1) advise, scold, try everything in my means to stop him because of the implications of this action for the rest of his life, or (2) i could just smile and bochup, do my own stuff, cos it doesn't implicate me and that's not really my problem.

You feel that i was inconsiderate to you for writing those things. If that was the case, I'm sorry and i sincerely apologise... But i still stand by what i've said. All i can say is... 忠言逆耳. i can do nothing to make it sound nicer.

Next thing i need to defend myself against... On whether mahjong is a hobby... It's funny because i dun really see what's the issue here. Firstly, when we jio ppl to play mahjong with us, naturally we assume that each of us are mature enough to manage our own finances, no? "Should i play today? How much can i afford to lose if this was a bad day?"

Again, i don't really know why the issue was brought up, because we have played 2/4 for so long, each time everyone of us were keen and eager to play, yourself inclusive, right until about 1 - 2 hrs before you declared that you're quitting mahjong because you've lost. From the day you did so, i respected your decision and stopped jioing you. Even when we were desperately 3 que 1, i did not, even for a single time, attempt to coax you to join us. I have never held any persons at gun or knife point and said "Come play mahjong 3/6 with me!!!"

The higher kang, bite, and zi mo rates were implemented more frequently because having tried them with ppl like kuang, hz, sheena, we felt the special rules made it more fun. Everyone has the same kang, bite chances, no?

I must admit, i'm more of a 3/6 or 1/5 ka, the rate which i sometimes and preferably play with my colleagues and other friends. That said, if i play only for the $, not for the fun, i wouldn't even bother playing 2/4 with you all. Go see if you can find any other 3/6, 1/5 ka who's willing to play 2/4? I don't write cheques, nor am i rich enough to throw in gold bars or houses. But I am sensible enough to manage my finances and decide with the other players what rates we're comfortable playing with. Mahjong to me IS a hobby, not OT, my friend. I have, for your info, lost $70+ to $130+ on occasions during my higher stake games. Hz knows, kuang knows, my colleagues know. But the wins and losses even out pretty ok, though a little more on the losing end in recent times and i'm not even the least bitter on occasions where i lose that kind of money, because i had fun.

Lastly... I still treasure our friendship alot, i have explained myself, wherever i have offended or upsetted you, i beg for your forgiveness, as i hope you would for others. I wish we could meet to talk sometime too, if you would have it...... Peace, my friend